Can you say Sino-American Wedding?

Yep that's right. E and I got engaged last weekend in Madison, WI, in-between the events of BVR's wedding! We spent the night at a very nice B&B called Mansion Hill Inn the night I proposed. Before I was about to ask E, I knew I needed to speak to her father to get his blessing. During BVR’s reception dinner on Friday night, I sneaked out of the White Horse Inn and called Seattle. Simon answers and I proceed to ask for his blessing. Apparently Simon was watching the Sonics at the time because he was stunned.

“Ahhh, ahhhh, ahhhh………….(1 minute of silence)……..I need to go ask my wife”

(5 minutes later………..you think I’m kidding, I’m dead serious. I was sweating bullets)

As the clock ticked away, I started to second guess my decision-making. What if Simon and Susan didn’t want a white guy from ‘Sconi to invade their family? I started to sweat and think of what I was going to say as a back up plan.

Finally Simon gets back on the phone……....”Jeff, it’s whatever E wants”

Silence…….I’m thinking, damn Simon can you be a bit more unemotional? I wasn’t about to let him off the hook yet. I needed to be reassured that what I was asking had his approval so I asked him if he thought I was a good guy and if he thought I was good for his daughter. Finally, he told me that he would be honored to be my father-in-law!

Phew!!! Close call!! Anyway, he approved and I moved forward with the operation Hat Show (that’s guy talk for buying and presenting engagement rings). What a close call though. I almost thought I was going to have to elope in Vegas.

Anyway, I guess that announcement was a good way to get back to the journal. I’ve had numerous requests to restart this thing so here we go. I’ll do my best to keep you abreast of the little tiny humorous ‘things’ that I am exposed to each and every day. If you stop and think about it, there’s a lot of funny stuff that happens each and every day.




  posted by Swensil @ 6:53 PM

 
Can you say Sino-American Wedding?

Yep that's right. E and I got engaged last weekend in Madison, WI, in-between the events of BVR's wedding! We spent the night at a very nice B&B called Mansion Hill Inn the night I proposed. Before I was about to ask E, I knew I needed to speak to her father to get his blessing. During BVR’s reception dinner on Friday night, I sneaked out of the White Horse Inn and called Seattle. Simon answers and I proceed to ask for his blessing. Apparently Simon was watching the Sonics at the time because he was stunned.

“Ahhh, ahhhh, ahhhh………….(1 minute of silence)……..I need to go ask my wife”

(5 minutes later………..you think I’m kidding, I’m dead serious. I was sweating bullets)

As the clock ticked away, I started to second guess my decision-making. What if Simon and Susan didn’t want a white guy from ‘Sconi to invade their family? I started to sweat and think of what I was going to say as a back up plan.

Finally Simon gets back on the phone……....”Jeff, it’s whatever E wants”

Silence…….I’m thinking, damn Simon can you be a bit more unemotional? I wasn’t about to let him off the hook yet. I needed to be reassured that what I was asking had his approval so I asked him if he thought I was a good guy and if he thought I was good for his daughter. Finally, he told me that he would be honored to be my father-in-law!

Phew!!! Close call!! Anyway, he approved and I moved forward with the operation Hat Show (that’s guy talk for buying and presenting engagement rings). What a close call though. I almost thought I was going to have to elope in Vegas.

Anyway, I guess that announcement was a good way to get back to the journal. I’ve had numerous requests to restart this thing so here we go. I’ll do my best to keep you abreast of the little tiny humorous ‘things’ that I am exposed to each and every day. If you stop and think about it, there’s a lot of funny stuff that happens each and every day.




  posted by Swensil @ 6:48 PM

 
Support Your Elders!!

I'm walking down Pike Place yesterday when I see a small herd of geriatrics congregating near the open section of the market so I start thinking that these old folks are visiting the market for a field trip or something like that.

As I approach the group, I notice that almost every single one of them is holding a large poster which reads, 'Support Your Elders'. I didnt think too much about it as I continued on my way.

Now I dont have a problem with elders. In fact, I'm actually very fond of them. There's a whole group of elders in my family that I love dearly. Both sets of grandparents and numerous uncles and aunts are still living well into their 80's.

But when I heard these geri's trying to protest, I could not help but laugh OUT LOUD. As I walk by, I hear a tired weak voice - "Suuuupport Yooour Elllders.................................................. Suuuupport Yooour Elllders!" Now if I didnt have superhuman hearing, I would never have heard these geezers ranting. I mean come on. If you're going to protest, at least grab one of the megaphones, crank it up a couple notches and give 'er hell! Protesting needs to be LOUD and with Emotion. I think that after 5 minutes of this measly chanting, these old farts needed to take a nap.

Anyway, just thought I'd share with you my day.


  posted by Swensil @ 11:33 PM

 
Robin Hood Update - Zelda Guy is now in the haus!

Well it turns out that I was wrong. For those of you who have kept up with my journal, you may remember me talking about this strange man who walks around downtown Seattle dressed as Robin Hood. I am pleased to say that this guy is actually dressed up as LINK???? from the video game Zelda. I know this because I asked the conceriege today and he filled me in on all the details.

This Zelda Guy, for those of you who have not read my earlier entries, looks exactly like this weird-ass guy in the middle. I've seen him over 20 times now and each and everytime he's wearing the exact same clothing.




Things are never dull in Seattle

  posted by Swensil @ 10:29 PM

 
So I just got word from my boy Barty "Party" Van Roo that he's engaged!!!!! I'm so happy for the curly one!

  posted by Swensil @ 7:25 PM

 
So I'm playing NON-CONTACT co-ed hockey the other night with Eva et al. when this 5 foot tall Asian girl slams me into the corner. I was taken by surprise so I started laughing out loud at this small girl.

Apparently this was the wrong thing to do to this fiesty girl because before I knew it, she was chesting up to me and ready to throw punches. Of course I gave her the stiff arm in the face and continued to laugh. This didnt help defuse her anger and we stood there squaring off, she yells, "F&%$ You BITCH!!"

Hearing this made me laugh even harder!

The play then moved to a different part of the ice. As I skated to catch a pass, I noticed this fast approaching object heading right towards me. Just as this person approached, I realized that it was my evil nemisis, The Angy 5 Foot Asian Girl.

So of course, I extended my elbow just as she was attempting to knock my lights out and BAMMMM!!!! Down she goes! Now I didnt hurt her at all, I just simply was protecting my body from this crazy lunatic! Keep in mind, this girl is in full hockey equipment and I'm not.

That wasnt the end of though. After she got up from the ice, she headed over to the bench. Of course I followed because I had a few words for her. I honestly wanted to tell her that its fine with me if she wants to play rough, but she needs to eliminate the checking. Well, she wasnt in the mood for chatting and she left the ice rink.

After the game, I spoke with her "player-coach". He said that she has an anger management problem and she likes to take it out on the ice. Apparently she decided to leave the rink alltogether rather than face the Mighty Swensil one more time!

So next time, if you're planning on checking someone either at the ice rink or at school or at work, make sure the person you are checking is much much smaller than you.

You never know when you'll meet your match!

  posted by Swensil @ 11:24 PM

 
Even thought I had a blast watching Mike Cameron go yard late in the bottom of the 9th for a grand slam against Cleveland tonight, I still miss my CREW!

What's up with the CREW. Theres like two players on the team from last year!



  posted by Swensil @ 11:06 PM

 
We spent the night eating deep fried turkey with our friends Scott, Errin (both from Alaska), Mike, Danielle, (both from New York) and others for Easter! Deep fried turkey may be one of the most delicious items I've ever eaten in my life. Boil peanut oil until its 350 degrees and then drop the bird until its done 45 minutes later! DELICIOUS!

Anyway, we also dog sat for Thu and Jay (from Green Bay and Chicago) this weekend. They just got this baby chiuaua dog and we were responsible for taking care of it. Honestlyt I thought I was taking care of a guinea pig! The thing was less than 1 foot in length and weighed probably 6 ounces! So strange. I thought for sure, I was going to crush the critter while it was cruising around in the apartment this past weekend but fortunatley I didnt.



  posted by Swensil @ 9:55 PM

 
BIRTHDAY
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This year, my birthday was surreal. It started out normal. E took me to dinner at a very nice place in Belltown but after that, things got weird.

She then decided to take me to this very nice piano bar overlooking the city, which was located on top of one of the oldest hotels in Seattle, The Camlin Hotel. This hotel bar is known for its cheesy wedding-singer-style entertainment – tonight was no different. The man playing the piano looked like a slender version of Bob Barkers sidekick, ROD RODDY (http://www.cbs.com/daytime/price/about/bios/cast_bios_rroddy.shtml), from CBS’s The Price Is Right.

At the same time the comedian, Ellen DeGeneres, had just finished performing across the street at the Paramount and as a result, the bar was PACKED with butch lesbians. In addition to that, CNN began coverage of the Iraqi war.

So if you can picture Rod Roddy singing old cover tunes, multiple butch lesbians and Wolf Blitzer all hanging out in one room, that was my birthday!







  posted by Swensil @ 7:17 AM

 
ACID WAHS JEANS

So about a year ago I purchased a pair of nice Kenneth Cole Jeans but have never worn them because they were colored a bit too dark for my liking. The other day I had a beautiful idea!!!! Bleach those dark jeans so they are lighter so that I can wear them. Sounds like an easy task right?? Well let me tell you this. I guess I have no idea about fabric coloring or removing becuase after the first bleach washing, I was confronted with the brightest pair of acid washed jean you have ever seen. Now if this was the 1980's, then I'd be fine. I'm sure Dominic Fomousa would love to get his hands on these babies, but not me. So, if you see a neon bright white kid walking around with neon bright acid wash jeans, you can probably rest assured that he tried the exact same thing as I did.

  posted by Swensil @ 7:00 AM

 
“Get out of my BAR SPACE”

So I went to this very trendy club this weekend with some people from work. This place has scantly clad women dancing up on stage, women swinging from the ceilings on swings and bouncers bigger than Gilbert Brown wearing all black and looking like secret service guys. All of the female bartenders were “Boobzillas” but very nice.

As I go up the bar to get a drink, I try to squeeze past this very tall chick. I’m standing there waiting for the bartender and all of a sudden this chic turns to me and says, “Can I help you?”, in a very snobby tone. I say “NOPE”, Jonny Lo Lo style and continue to wait for the bartender. A second later, this amazon standing next to me says, “Well get out of my BAR SPACE!” Yeah, apparently I was compromising her valuable “BAR SPACE”. I wish I would have given her the patented Jonny Lo Lo – two thumbs down but decided against it due to the fact that her overgrown boyfriend was closing in.

Anyway, I thought it was worth mentioning nonetheless.


  posted by Swensil @ 10:28 PM

 
I was talking with a co-worker the other day while at lunch when this dude John stopped and said, "Dude I just spit in your food." Out of the blue he just stops and tells me this with the straightest face I have ever seen. The guy didnt feel bad or embarrassed at ALL!! I so completely taken by surprise that I dont say anything at all and just continue on eating. Now with any other regular person, this would be a major embarrassment but not John. He was just politely making me aware of the fact that some of 'HIS' saliva was dripping down my burrito and that I was almost ready to ingest it.

I just carried on like nothing had happened and mowed down my burrito but that was kinda weird huh?




  posted by Swensil @ 11:03 PM

 
I think I may have met a black version of James Ackely.

Tonight at the gym I met Ron. As soon as the guy spoke, I thought James Ackley was trapped in this man's body. HonestI think James Ackely is trapped in the body of a black man here in Seattle.

Tonight at the gym, I met Ron the extremely friendly black man. As soon as Ron spoke, I thought it was James. I swear James is trapped in this stout middle-aged man’s body. This guy spoke EXACTLY like James - each gesture reminded more and more of Jimmy. I wanted to grab Ronnie’s head and shake the hell out of hit just so I could release James from this man’s body. Next time I see Ron, I’ll try to get Jimmy out of there!

Another weird thing happened. I don’t really understand some people and their thought process. While I was working out, I noticed this girl moving quickly around the lobby. I didn’t think too much of it at first but after five minutes I started wondering what this girls deal was. For some reason, this woman decided that she wanted to run laps in the 10 foot by 10 foot gym lobby. Now this gym is not equipped for running. In fact, there are chairs and tables everywhere. For whatever reason, this woman decided that is would make more sense to run in the lobby around chairs and tables, instead of on a treadmill or Stairmaster. I mean lady what the hell are you thinking??? Why did you join a GYM anyway??? Don’t you feel a little odd running around like that?? What the hell ar

  posted by Swensil @ 9:52 PM

 
Can someone explain to me the reason why women in an office setting LOVE to talk about foods such as salad dressing, tv dinners & hot pockets.

"I mean god Mary, have you tasted those new pizza pockets yet? God they're SOOOO GOOOD!"

I hear it all the time at work.........Just thinking outloud



  posted by Swensil @ 9:25 PM

 
Trouble in Vegas..........

As Eva and were entering the Venetian we noticed a small group of passersby congregated around a woman. When we got closer we could see that the woman had jammed her knee in between two of the stone pedestals overlooking the mammoth fountain near the entrance of the casino.

SWEET! It took all my energy and a few jabs to the ribs from Eva to stop me from walking right up to her and ask her if she would take our picture. I mean this woman’s face and her chubby legs were as red as a rose. I felt bad but I can only imaging what Rikker or Jonny would have done to this poor woman after a few Zimas.

Damn, I did manage to fire a few photos of this embarrassed woman. I’ll post it as soon as I get it.


  posted by Swensil @ 10:45 PM

 
Damn where did the week go? Made it back from Vegas with a little of the Luxor's cash in my pocket. Craps is my game of choice now. Nothing better than rolling 7's, making dough and drinking free Heinekens.

The weirdest thing I saw while in Vegas was this kid working at a Walgreens right on the strip. As I walked up to the counter to checkout, I noticed the cashier had what looked like a large-ass earring hanging off to the side of his ear. As I got closer I noticed that it was some kind of funky weird ear tumor! Christ man chop that thing off so I dont go launch in the highlighter aisle!! Honestly I had to cover my mouth! I almost horked!

------------------------------------------------

Tonight, Eva, Tom, Janet and I went rock climbing in Ballard. Tootsies are barkin'. Damn that's a difficult sport, but a fun one. Now all I need to do is grow my hair out like Grizzly Adams, hug some trees and turn into a wuss. Then I'll fit in with the Seattle crowd!


------------------------------------------------

Oh yeah, I started my new jobby job this week! Bling Bling! Swensil is back in the game. Its about time!


  posted by Swensil @ 12:14 AM

 
"Vegas Baby Vegas! "

We are leaving today for Las Vegas. Hopefully I wont get the 'no no for Lo Lo' trying to get into a club this weekend like Jonny did during the Badger game!

Swensil


  posted by Swensil @ 7:20 AM

 
On our way home from Whistler, Eva and I stopped at 'Little Hong Kong' in Richmond, BC for Dim Sum (Jonny, I thought I define Dim Sum for you because I'm pretty sure that it doesnt appear on the Jonny Lo Lo Resturante menu at 5223 Turner - Dim Sum Defintion: A
traditional Chinese cuisine in which small portions of a variety of foods, including an assortment of steamed or fried dumplings, are served in succession.).

Dim Sum is not something new to me, but eating lungs and stomach lining is!!! This is what I tasted the other day. Lungs and stomach lining! Yeah, dont think I'll be reordering that in the near future! Eva loves it for some reason but that doenst surprise me. I've wittnessed her brother eat the head off a baby pigeon before. Wow chill on the skull crushin' Ozzie!






  posted by Swensil @ 11:20 PM

 
 Whistler Blackcomb Mountain - Vancouver, BC.

What can I say. By far the most AMAZING winter vacation a person can take!!!!

Eva and I and some friends had the best skiing trip last weekend at Whistler Blackcomb! We rented a Legends' condo at Creekside, which is located 1 1/2 hour north of Vancouver and spent the long weekend skiing! This place is the most immense natural playground I've ever seen in my life! Whistler / Blackcomb offers more than 7000 skiable acres, 33 lifts, 18 mountain restaurants and over 200 trails! Never in my life have I experienced such a great outdoor trip. Our condo was located right at the base of Whistler Mountain. We literally walked 50 feet to our gondola, which took us straight to the mountain. When we were done, we skied right up to the back door of our condo, which was conveniently located next to the heated hot tubs, the pool and the bar. One of the nights, we wandered into the pub called Dusty's where we found a couple scrubby college kids scratching records on a professional turntable. I called him DJ Scribble and they sounded like a broken record but it was cool nonetheless.

Words can’t describe the hugeness of this place. Skiing down the mountain it literally takes one hour! Sometimes, if you get thirsty, you can stop off and grab a cool Kokanee or Molson. Did you know that the beer in Canada is free? In fact, they have ‘bubblers’ littering the resort grounds that pump beer just like water. They even have a little fountain for the dogs!

Here are some pics of the mountain and other stuff. When I get my pics back I’ll throw them up for everyone to check out.


 

 



  posted by Swensil @ 10:53 PM

 
My boy Whitey created this critter on New Years Day! That a peppa Whitey! Nothing wrong with your super sperm!




  posted by Swensil @ 12:18 PM

 
Look what Rikker sent me the other day.....hummm, wow. I guess I didnt need to see that Rik. I mean I know you're the President of the Greater Chicagoland WHAM Fan Club, but can you please try to keep your burning desire for George Michael to yourself? Thanks I appreciate it!


  posted by Swensil @ 6:55 PM

 
I went skiing today at Crystal Mountain on the edge of Mt. Ranier. AWESOME! My leggers are killing me but it was a blast!




  posted by Swensil @ 10:27 PM

 
Bananas, Piercings & Butt Floss

Butt Floss & Piercings – Today while I was working out at the gym, I noticed some rather interesting. I debated whether or not I should even be writing about this but it was too disturbing not to.

As I was walking out of the bathroom, which is located inside the men’s locker room at Gold’s, I witnessed something that made me cringe! Right smack dab in the middle of the hallway in the locker room, a man was standing – NAKED. Now I’m not checking out boys in the locker room or anything like that, but in this situation, I could not help it because the guy was RIGHT THERE, in the middle of the walk way. The disturbing part of this situation was that the first thing I noticed was that his guy had a large-ass hoop hanging from the tip of his ding-a-ling! Yeah the guy’s donger was pierced with a 3-inch diameter hoop dong-ring! I almost barf thinking about the pain a person must endure having such a procedure done.

Then the second weird thing I noticed was this man getting dressed in the locker room. As I walked by on my way out to the gym, this dude was tucking his shirt in. Now there’s nothing weird about tucking in a shirt unless you decide you need to pull your BUTT FLOSS UNDERWARE up over top of your shirt. This is something I haven’t seen since grade school! I can’t even imagine wearing BUTT FLOSS UNDERWARE let alone pulling it up over my yummy house!

Bananas – After working out, I walked down to the market, grabbed my coffee and checked out the amazing mountains. Winter in Seattle is AMAZING! Right now the temperature is close to 50 and there’s not a single cloud in the sky! Anyway, as I was walking around, I noticed 7 LARGE-ASS yellow shapes bouncing around on the street about 50 yards away. As I looked closer I learned that these bouncing yellow shapes were in fact gigantic human banana suits. I guess I wasn’t expecting 7 dudes walking around with human banana suits first thing in the morning, but you never know what to expect here in Seattle. Turns out that these banana guys worked for Jamba Juice and were passing out samples of their product in front of the fish catching stand, so I walked over to grab a free Jamb Juice. When I got there the fish catching guys that work for the fish market, were taking the suits from the Jamba Juice guys and putting them on. So what you’ve got now is human-sized banana catching fish!

I laughed and thought I was watching a Fruit of the Loom commercial!!!



  posted by Swensil @ 12:33 PM

 
Is it just me or does anyone else think that UN inspector Hans Blix is actually Austin Powers? Hummmmmmm?


 

  posted by Swensil @ 12:29 PM

 
I had an excellent report from my renal doc this morning. Basically my kidney function is back to normal as a result of the heavy doses of Prednisone I took for 6 months!

  posted by Swensil @ 2:30 PM

 
Botar called me the other day to ask me for Noodle's phone number, etc. As I was saying bye, Botar told me that he'd give me a call later in the week to see what I was doing this weekend. Maybe he's thinking about making a road trip out to Seattle, but I bet not. I found this interesting because of the fact that I told Botar 2 nights before, that I was leaving WI to return to Seattle. Botar never ceases to amaze me!!

  posted by Swensil @ 2:28 PM

 


So I met Conan Obrien today while shopping at REI. As I was getting fitted for my ski boots, I noticed this very tall, pale, redheaded guy walking nearby. I asked the ski guy if he thought that it was Conan and he agreed. As I was leaving the store, I walked up to Conan, introduced myself, and talked to him for about a minute. I then thought that I was acting too much like a crazy, sweet, sweet, man-loving, stalker type guy, so I decided to stop bugging him and proceeded to leave. As I was walking away, I said, 'Have a good time in Seattle,' and slugged him in the arm. Not kidding. I'm not really sure why I did that, but I did. I mean it wasn’t like I hauled off and cranked on good ole' Conan. I just gave him a little tap to let him know I was there.

Weird stuff......Swensil

  posted by Swensil @ 10:18 PM

 
As I was picking up some groceries at the Pike Place Market today, I noticed this awkward looking creature hobbling down the street. As the creature got closer, I saw that the creature was in fact a 3-legged dog.

After seeing this decrepit little critter, I wondered if I could somehow do the same to Loye's obnoxious dog Tootsie. Hummmm........

  posted by Swensil @ 10:15 AM

 



It's better to have a dog face than to have a horse face because if you have a horse face then you have dude face.




  posted by Swensil @ 7:40 AM

 
Went to the Ozomatli concert a few days ago with Eva, Taek, and Sandeep at this cool ass little place right behing my building called the Showbox. Their music is a mix of rap, rock and Bill Garvey-style marching band music. Pretty cool place to watch a show.

A few weeks ago, Pearl Jam played there. I was watchin the chics flow in and out of the band's tour bus from the balcony near the workout room in our building.

Yeah probably nothing wrong with being a rock star!

  posted by Swensil @ 10:08 AM

 
Mammoth Drool Spot............I woke up the other day and learned that my girlfriend had left me a present from the night before - this is what I found on my pillow:





My girlfriend seems to have an over active parasympathetic nervous system. Its not uncommon for me to wake up in the morning covered in her slime!



  posted by Swensil @ 10:19 AM

 
As I walked home from the gym today, I noticed this odd looking man shouting / screaming at the newspaper dispensing machine. I'm not really sure why he was so upset at the machine but he definitely had a lot to sat to it.

I was VERY tempted to screw with the guy, by pretending that I was the newspaper machine and replying to his questions, but in the end I decided that I was too mature to do what I was thinking.

The loony bin is overrun here in Seattle, that’s for sure!


  posted by Swensil @ 1:19 PM

 
Happy Thanksgiving!



  posted by Swensil @ 12:11 PM

 
Met Ichiro this past weekend. Not kidding! We were walking in the mall when E noticed this little Japanese guy riding the escalator. I then followed him into a candle store or something like that and went up to him and said hi and shook his hand. Nice guy but I know he had no idea what I was saying – that’s for sure.


This is what Jonny had to say:

“You shouldve pissed him off so he would punch you, then you would be a millionaire. Is he
small?”

Jonny not all of us look for ways to screw people out of money. I mean, I know you’ve maintained a small career stealing Marb Products with phony Marb Miles, but not everyone believes that it’s ok to screw people or corporations over. Seriously, Jonny – was it your idea to purposefully sell single can’s of PBR for $1.00 to poor people?? You know that it costs only $2.50 for a 6 pack!! Man at least I know I’m going to heaven when I die…….Swensil



  posted by Swensil @ 2:08 PM

 
Tonight I ate crab brains and jellyfish dinner at Eva's parents house. Afterwards, we watched 'A Bug's Life', yeah the Disney movie - man I'm so H core. You're all jealous admit it....Swensil

  posted by Swensil @ 11:27 PM

 
Robin Hood of Seattle

I cant remember if I mentioned this next weirdo in a previous entry, so here it goes. The other day I was walking home from the gym when I noticed this jolly fellow sort of skipping down the sidewalk. As I got closer, I noticed that it wasnt a jeeped up homeless person, but ROBIN HOOD - Of Seattle of course. I am not kidding you - a 20 something year old kid is wearing full-ass Robin Hood attire - Green velvety suit, green tights, green elf shoes and of course a bow and arrow on his back.

Now you may thing I screwing with ya, but this isnt the first time I've seen the Prince of Thieves - OH No! I have seen this guy before, probably two months ago. When I saw him then, I honestly thought that he was on his way to some kind of childrens show or halloween costume party or something.

Plain weird........Swensil

  posted by Swensil @ 11:50 PM

 
Saw to tallest Man Chic I've ever seen in my life. For some reason there is this 7 foot tall transexual creature lurking around the alley behind my building.

At first I thought it was Dave White but then remembered....Swensil

  posted by Swensil @ 11:38 PM

 
Hooters Chics.........

Took Eva to Hooters for dinner. She had never been to one of these fine establishments so I thought it would be funny to see her reaction. When the waitress asks to take our order we ask her whether or not the fish sandwich is Grouper. The girls looks blankly at us and says, 'No it comes with Fish....wait whats Grouper?'

Man gotta love the Hooters Girls!

Swensil

  posted by Swensil @ 11:35 PM

 
I'm pretty sure I saw a chic beard the other day. I was was walking down the street and saw this female with a nicely trimmed beard. Seattle wome must not be able to afford razors because 99% of the women I see have at least 1 of the the 2 following items:

1.) Large Chinese Character Tattooed on their back

2.) More body hair than Joe Cabibbo

Gotta love it....JM$

  posted by Swensil @ 6:53 AM

 
Check out this Botar Gem submitted by Whitey:



"Since I'm back online I figured I would let you guys know that I think I
might be getting old. Last night while I was having my two-tone wand
looking like a 2002 escalade polished by this sexy little tenderoni I refer
to as my latest shocker-delic freak.....I took a moment to admire, and I
think I saw a single grey pubic hair poking outta my sack!!!! Oh Nelly." - Jeff Czbotar


  posted by Swensil @ 10:55 AM

 
I have decided to grow a mullet until I land my job. This might get scary since Washington has the second highest unemployment in the US. I’ll try to get some pics of the current status of the mullet shortly, so stay tuned!

  posted by Swensil @ 9:53 PM

 
Another Jonny Lo Lo Beauty!

"I started at left corner, yeah, as always. I take their best receiver,
who usually lines up on the right side. Last night, I was a blanket.
This guy, who is the same race as at least half of Botar, if you catch
my drift, caught exactly zero passes for zero yards. He talked a ton of
trash too, until he couldnt catch a thing on me. I got my hands on a few
passes, but the closest to me intercepting one came in the 1st half, he
did a quick slant and I jumped it, it went off my hands, I bobbled it
for a sec, then it fell to the ground. Had I caught it clean, there was
nothing but green grass in front of me. That pissed me off, I had a
chance to dance. We won 25-7, but no picks. I love more than anything
getting in peoples heads, they think Im too skinny and too white to
cover em, but 10 minutes later, and a few head bobbles and shoulder
shakes later, they think otherwise........GEEEEAAAT!"

  posted by Swensil @ 11:20 AM

 
Title: Face Thrashing Satanic Bunny Rabbits

When Eva and I returned from Gold’s Gym the other night, we stopped to talk to Jim, our friendly concierge. Jim is a very pleasant 25-year-old fellow. He’s one of those guys that always has a smile on his face, makes small talk and just makes you feel welcome each time you see him.

The other day, I saw Jim downtown wearing his regular everyday clothes and not his suit and tie. I guess he was getting ready to work out or something like that. The shirt that he was wearing was cut low around the neck and his sleeves were rolled up. As he walked by, I noticed that he had a great deal of ink on the back of his neck and on his arms. I didn’t get to talk to him but I certainly remembered that his tattoos seemed very distinctive.

Back to the condo……so as we returned and walked to the elevators, we started talking to Jim. I mentioned to him that I saw him the other day and that I noticed his ink. As soon as I said that, he jumps up out of his seat and asks me if I want to see his work. I agree and Jim proceeds to unbutton the sleeves of his shirt. As he rolls up his sleeve, I see one of the most disturbing things I think I may have seen in my life. Human-Rabbit creatures thrashing and gnawing each other’s faces off!!! Seriously!! The mild-mannered, pleasant concierge Jim tattooed himself with satanic face thrashing bunny rabbits!! To make it even more noteworthy, the man’s tattoo was at least 4 inches tall and stretched from his inner arm to the top of his bicep on both arms!!! I asked him what inspired him to tattoo himself with satanic face thrashing bunny rabbits and he said that it had something to do with his favorite band, The Swans. I highly recommend you check out The Swans! You’ll get a better picture once you download some of their music!

The lesson we need to learn from Jim the concierge is that just because we have the desire to tattoo ourselves with face thrashing satanic bunny rabbits that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s the best idea. You never know who may have to look at your face thrashing satanic bunny rabbit tattooed arms in the future – mom’s, dad’s, future sons and daughters, grandmothers, priests, nuns, popes, teachers, Helen Keller. You just never know!


  posted by Swensil @ 9:59 PM

 
Title: Chinese Dinner

The best part about having dinner with Eva’s family is that I’m the tallest one there!! I seriously TOWER over each and every person in her family. Its like I’m Jorge Murasan (spelling?) and I’m having dinner with the Mugsy Bouges Family!! I love it!!


  posted by Swensil @ 9:58 PM

 
Title: Gay Packer Bar?

I’m not sure, but I think I accidentally watched the Packer game last week at a Gay Packer Bar. I’m not kidding. Now I know that Erickson and Loye would be in heaven if they got an opportunity like this, but as you all know, I am NOT gay. I absolutely prefer the company of women versus men.
Anyway, this bar looked like any other Packer bar you would see in Wisconsin. Green and gold was everywhere!! I honestly felt like I was back in Wisconsin except for that fact that I was the only man there that was not wearing a gold dangly Packer earring. I was also the only guy there with a woman. As I looked around, I noticed that almost each and every guy there was with another guy!

After that experience, I’ve decided that I will try to find a new Packer bar – Sorry Jonny and Rikker!


  posted by Swensil @ 9:58 PM

 
Title: Uncle Chris Eats A Fish Head

While eating dinner with Eva’s family at a restaurant in Chinatown the other day, I noticed something odd. Eva’s uncle Chris from Canada was attempting to cut off the head of a recently served fried fish dish. I didn’t really think twice about it until I noticed that he actually removed the head and placed it on his plate instead of on the side of the platter! Two seconds later, Uncle Chris East A Fish Head! I almost barfed when he ate the eyeballs! Eating out with Eva’s family is never a dull experience!


  posted by Swensil @ 9:58 PM

 

Title: Jovial Jesus Worshipers

On Saturday night, Eva and I were studying at the U of Washington student union in the cafeteria. About 10 minutes into our session a group of jovial young people comes skipping through the cafeteria singing Christian songs relating to Jesus or somebody like that. The exit the cafeteria and make their way out through the stairwell. As they entered the stairwell they ALL broke out is song! The songs they were singing reverberated through the stairwell and into the cafeteria. After a minute or so of listening to their angelic voices, I walked over to the stairwell, opened the door and started snorting like a pig. I know that I should probably act a little bit more mature, but I couldn’t help myself. These bible beaters were driving me crazy! I really don’t understand that kind of behavior to be honest with you. I snorted two or three times before this little freshman-looking college girl walked around the corner and said, ‘Please stop snorting, we’re obviously trying to have a meeting here.’ I said sorry and then left. I felt bad for about .5 seconds but was then very happy I had disrupted their little Jesus Rally.


  posted by Swensil @ 9:57 PM

 
"Prime Time" Jonny Lo Lo

Here's an email I received recently from our friend Jonny. He describes his upcoming flag football game:

"Yeah, I have flag football game tonight. I am a shut down corner, and
nobody throws at me!

Their receiver might catch a pass, in fact, he might even catch two.
But the 3rd time, Im gonna dance!

Eat it Sweeney"

God Jonny.....I love it! Keep em coming!!

  posted by Swensil @ 5:43 PM

 
One of my friends here in Seattle commenting on his recent experiences using Viagra.

"I didn't walk around with wood like I thought I would
be. Shit gets your heart racing. But it does make
you ride the roller coaster over and over again.
Pretty fucking nice. Wouldn't want to take it
everytime, though. Makes a nice novelty."

  posted by Swensil @ 8:42 AM

 
I've been busy studying for the GMAT, but did take a break tonight to go to my first high school foot ball game in more than 9 years. Eva was the sideline doc so I went along to watch. There are a few things I noticed about Washington State people. First of all I've never seen so many Caucasion adult men wearing gold earrings in my life. I'm not talking little studs man, we're talking Puff Daddy Style stuff. I'm talking huge-ass hoops and thick ass gold chains. Secondly, maybe I dont remember high school as well as I should, but I know that the girls that we went to school with never used to dress like the way girls these days do. 97% of the female high school students I saw tonight were wearing what I like to call, "Boob Tops". Its pretty obvious that these girls role models are Brittney Spears and J Lo!

  posted by Swensil @ 12:37 AM

 
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
-- Franklin P. Jones

  posted by Swensil @ 9:26 AM

 
Compliments of Bridget Mooney.

Rejected Titles for Children's Books:

1. You are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife 'Greg'
4. Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An "I-Can-Do-It Book"
6. The Kids Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mommy Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
12. That's it; I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes the Hamster. And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like to be Buried?
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
29. The Surprise at the Bottom of the Pool
30. If It Feels Good, Touch It!
31. Making Grown-Up Friends On The Internet
32. 101 Fun Games To Play In The Road
33. You Can't Help It If You're Stupid
34. Patty Went Splat! (Don't YOU Forget Your Seatbelt)
35. Bullies Deserve To Die
36. Mommy's Got A New Baby To Love
37. Kevin's The Wrong Color To Be Your Friend
38. I Dare You! 101 Challenges To Prove You're Not A Sissy




  posted by Swensil @ 10:18 PM

 
Just purchased my tickets to fly back home to 'Sconi on Dec. 19 thru the 29th.



  posted by Swensil @ 9:23 AM

 
Field Goal Kickers????


Went to Eva's 2nd hockey practice last night learned that one of her teammates is in fact Jason Luther our high school kicker! Honestly I do believe that Jason Luther has moved to Seattle!

Another one of her teammates reminds me of a human version of Mr. Bigglesworth. She scares me each time I see that lanky, jittery body moving across the ice! Yikes!



  posted by Swensil @ 8:59 AM

 
Just got back from Eva's first hockey practice and this is what I saw.

1.) "The Wall" a.k.a. Female version of Chris Farley wearing goalie pads. The chic must weigh 3 bills I kid you not! She could throw me around like a rag doll!


2.) Crazy looking chic with a partially shaved head. The parts that were not shaved were made up into dread locks and were painted bright Orange. Oh yeah, thought you might want to know that I could see her leg hair from over 20 feet away! Nothing better than having a veritable forest growing down there! She too was a goalie and sported numerous piercings and tattoos!


3.) Found out that many of Eva's teammates like her for more than her personality! Apparently the majority of these girls actually prefer the company of women rather than men. Eva sort of got the 'Oh Oh' feeling when she was changing in the locker room tonight.



  posted by Swensil @ 8:06 AM

 
Jonny Lo Lo describing his trip to Vegas:

'I went to meet up with them (Drod and Chic) at a club in the Monte Carlo, but I was wearing a
Tshirt, and there was a dress code, so Jonny got the "no-no" at the
door. Fu**ing little puke bouncer too, I couldve taken him. Did get
ripped up with John and Amy Van Dyke.'

Thata Peppa Jonny!!!

  posted by Swensil @ 10:08 PM

 
Last weekend my cousin Michael, Eva and I hiked Mt. Rainer last weekend. The hike was only 2.5 miles long but it took us 3 hours to reach our destination due to the fact that we had to climb 2400 feet! Yeah so nobody told me that!!! In my backpack, I carried a tent, clothing, chairs AND a bundle of firewood (even though the Park Ranger told us not to have camp fires). Finally once we made it to the top, I vomited and passed out. Well just kidding about that last part, but I didnt feel the best.

My Cousin Gwiggin and Eva at the base of Mt. Rainer & Eva and I

 
As Eva, my cousin and I were walking back to our apartment the other night, we came across two people arguing - a man and a woman. As we walked by the man started shouting and yelling more and more at the woman. A few seconds later, the man tried to rip the woman's bag off of her back. By doing this, the man managed to slam the woman's head into the concrete wall of the building. After seeing this Eva and I ran after the guy because we were afraid he was going to kill the woman right then and there. I got up to the guy and Eva and I started screaming at him. Thankfully, the dude took off and it was over. Stuff like this happens every night outside my building! Hard to deal with sometimes.

  posted by Swensil @ 9:47 PM

 
Learned the Chinese word for 'Boiled Dog's Head' yesterday while eating with E's parents. Apparently when you boill a dog's head, the lips curl up and expose the teeth. Weird but true I guess.

Weird thing of the day:

I ate Jelly Fish and Fish intestines yesterday in Chinatown

  posted by Swensil @ 2:25 PM

 
Had a nice time watching WWF wrestling with E’s 60 year old parents last night. I’ve never really watched WWF alone by myself let alone with 60 year old Chinese people! If you’ve never done it I highly recommend it. Certainly something to make note of.

  posted by Swensil @ 6:50 PM

 
Weird thing of the day:

E and I were driving to the University District to pick up some GROSS Anatomy books when I noticed a strange looking (As Barty Bacardi would say in his best German Accent) "Station Vagon". As I got closer, I noticed that owner had GLUED aproximately 57000 plastic tigers, bears, lions, elephants, sloths, rhinos and God only knows what else. Every square inch of this dude's ride was chillin with critters! Amazing! I almost wanted to suggest a trade for the Honda with the dude.

Other weird thing of the day:

Saw a college aged female with shaved arm pits today! Alomst died in shock!

  posted by Swensil @ 10:34 PM

 
Robert J Taylor making suggestions on which fantasy football player Jonny Lo Lo should take with his number 1 draft choice:

"Now that I think about Barty Party might be your best bet - the dude spent
time at QB, split end (ha!) and like Defensive End...He's like Slash or
Randle El with curly hair."




  posted by Swensil @ 8:55 AM

 
 Eva and I went beach camping last weekend on the Olympic Penisula. We hiked 2 miles to the beach and then set up camp. Nothing betta than sleeping right on the beach. As always, I saw numerous 'hairy' women. Tons of earthy, granola chics wearing mountain hiking boots. Oh yeah almost forgot.....just as we left the the Western side ferry and had crossed Puget Sound we realized that we forgot a rather important item - the tent. Oops my bad! So to resolve the problem, we decided that we'd pick up a throw-away tent at the nearest Wal-Mart or sporting goods store. Well finally we reach the Wal Mart and find the camping department. On display I find a tent that I think will work out fine for the night. The tent box lists the dimensions of the tent - 4 1/2' X 6'. I'm thinkin' yeah fine baby tent for the Swensil. I'm under 6' so this thing should be fine and for $20, not a problem - so we buy it.

Back to the hiking.....we finally make it to our destination and I decided to set up the tent. As I pull the tent from the box, we notice that the tent was designed for little kids. So here we are setting up this tiny-ass tent that looks like something from Barney’s Playhouse! All these hardocre hikers and campers must have been so annoyed because we were polluting their pristine view of the ocean and forest.

Finally its time for bed and Swensil decided to try out the tent. NOPE! Tent’s too small. My feet and head are pressed up against the tent walls forming a ‘U’ shape! I was pissed but what could I do. Eva convinced me not to cut feet holes out of the tent so that we wouldn’t be joined by any furry creatures during the night. Anyway, I had the worst back and neck pain in the morning when I woke up!

Rule of thumb….never buy Barney Tents!!


  posted by Swensil @ 5:01 PM

 
1.) Chic Hockey - Yesterday I took Eva to her first hockey practice. She did a great job considering she's only been on skates one other time in her life! The women that play in this league are very intriguing. On the team you will find women who love other women, wear mullets, are doctors and other professionals and good eaters! I was lucky enough to have met the infamous goalie of the Seattle Women’s Hockey League – “The Wall”. Honestly, I thought Chris Farley had returned from the dead. I also became quite good friends with a girl named Puffer. Puffer’s love of ink rival’s DROD’s! The chic was covered head to toe!

2.) Chinese Wedding - nothing but cameras! Seriously I saw aprox. 456 cameras. My eyes still haven’t recovered from the flashes! I attended a wedding for one of E's friends this weekend. The best part of the wedding was when the bridal party was walking around toasting all of the guests at each guest table. I was unaware of the fact that the entire bridal party was coming to our table to toast the people at our table until the bride, groom and the rest of the party we standing directly behind me. Before I knew it, 30 or so Chinese relatives surrounded us with cameras and began screaming and yelling. I had no idea what was going on until the bride and groom started their toast. I fumbled for my empty glass in a desperate attempt to fit in. I wasn’t to be.

FLASH FLASH FLASH FLASH Cameras going off everywhere! Swensil’s sitting there at the table looking like tool face while everyone else at our table prominently hoists their wine glasses to formally toast the wedding party.

I can imagine the bride and groom’s faces when they get the photos developed. They open the photo album – a nice picture of Uncle Chester and Auntie Judy dancing to disco, a cute picture of cousin Joey shoving cake down his mouth AND THEN Jeffrey The Whitey White Guy sitting in the middle of all these Chinese people grabbing for an empty wine glass.




  posted by Swensil @ 11:15 AM

 
1.) Donger Point
2.) Caucasian Afro


Part 1. Donger Point

So Eva and I decided to rent a canoe today and spend some time on Lake Union. Because the weather was so nice and since the summer season is so short we thought we’d enjoy a nice relaxing paddle around the islets within Lake Union. As we began our voyage we noticed that there was a large population of men gathering alongside the lake. At the time I thought nothing of it.

We continued on no longer than 3 minutes when I heard Eva gasp. I looked up and saw two naked guys swimming near our canoe. After watching these two men splish splash in the water, I noticed that the entire park was filled with oil laden young Caucasian men. Now I guess I don’t exactly know what they were doing there, but as far as I can tell, they were having a nice little homosexual picnic – not that there’s anything wrong with that. I have numerous gay friends.

Apparently, Eva watched one of the men drop trouser, jump into the lake and begin frolicking with his buddy. Fortunately, I did not see the man’s junk unlike Eva.

On our return trip, we again passed the now appointed, ‘Donger Point’. This time, there were fewer men loitering around the lake. As we continued our trip, we came across a second couple of frolicking young men. As we approached, I questioned whether or not my previous assumptions were correct. Well when I saw one of the two men jump belly flop style into the lake holding a 10” in diameter mirror ball, I then knew this was definitely ‘Donger Point’.


Part 2. Caucasian Afro

Nothing really important here other than the fact that I have learned what the cool kids in Seattle are now wearing on their ‘fro. While canoeing today we ran into two champer freshman-looking kids who were each sporting 14 inch white kid afros. I thought this was very attractive and that it warranted exposure in the Swensil Journal.



  posted by Swensil @ 11:22 PM

 
All I have to say is that I've seen more armpit hair on women here in Seattle than I have in all of Europe!



  posted by Swensil @ 10:19 PM

 
On Friday evening E and I met our friends Tom and Janet for a little rock climbing action!! Mowed some fatty bacon burgers (“God these burgers are sooooo good! Are you going to finish eating those fries?”) and then headed on over to the climbing gym for a little rock action!!

For those of you who have never climbed before, let me tell you that this sport is one of the most difficult I have ever participated in. For you to succeed in this sport, you absolutely must have rock hard forearm and finger muscles. Anyway,

Hold on…just looked over to see what E was reading:

Neurogenic Bowel Management in Adults with Spinal Cord Injury

Wow! Don’t forget to pick that beauty up at Barnes and Noble next time you at the mall!! I’ve heard its climbing the NYT’s Best Seller List in leaps and bounds!

Back to the rock climbing………anyway, you really need strong ass forearms and fingers to do well in this sport. When I first tried climbing the lowest level boulder, I found out that my wimpy little fingers weren’t strong enough to hold me up. Finally after a few attempts, I finished a few of the courses (if you will, I cant remember what the heck they are actually called) but thrashed the hell out of my forearms and fingers while doing it.

On Saturday, E and I decided to head down to MT. ST. Helens and check out the place. We drove the two hours south and arrived amongst numerous tourists including mullet wearing Harley Bikers, wife beater wearing red necks and a multitude of foreigners. The thing I learned from my tour of MT. ST. Helens is that it would really really suck if you were near this thing after it decided to blow its top. We’re talking major ash up the honker if you know what I mean!

Spend the evening learning about Microsoft’s Licensing systems. Holy Christ. You may need to be a speed-reader to get through all this verbiage and gain a basic understanding. You also need to have completed a college calc course to figure out the point systems!

Weird thing of the day –

#1 Chinglish

I was walking back to my apartment from Pike Place Market when I ran
into a strange looking homeless Asian woman. As E and I passed her, she
turns around and screams, “You Shut Up!” in a brilliant broken Chinglish
accent!

Weird thing of the day (for yesterday) –

#2 Burning chicken feathers???

So I’m grilling on my brand new pretty red grill outside (obviously) on my patio when all of a sudden I start to smell a bad odor. I check my apartment and see that the smoke from the grill is filling not only my apartment but also the hall and my 87 year old neighbors room. I quickly turn off the grill because we’re obviously not supposed to have grills or fires on our patio and also because I didn’t want to be responsible for the death of an 87 year old G-Ma! As I turn the grill fil I hear a knock on my door. Yep – 87 year old G-Ma is knocking at my door. So, I answer the door. She then asks me if I realized that something was burning. I said, “NO I haven’t noticed”, as a large plume of smoke emanates from my apartment door. She then says, “It smells like somebody is burning chicken feathers!”

What??? Chicken feathers? I can understand burning a pot roast or toast or something like that but how many people do you know that buy a whole live-ass chicken and light the sucker on fire?? Well maybe in the the deep south where voodoo is practiced, but not this white kid from Wisconsin.

Anyway, just thought it was weird that the first thing she thought of was burning chicken feathers. Umm! Pass me some more of those roasted chicken feathers honey!

JM$




  posted by Swensil @ 12:10 AM

 
Two really good quotes from Jonny today:

1.) I mean, I know Im 30, and I have to ignore more things now, but when someone hits your gmas van, you have to put the smack down.

2.) Eric and LeeAnn Schulz had a baby boy today, and depending on the weight, I may have won the baby pool. Yeah, $150.....Mo Money, Mo Money, Mo Money!!!!

Keep makin' us laugh Jonny!!




Jonny Bobble Head - Compliments of Christopher Knowlton

  posted by Swensil @ 7:53 PM

 
chawbacon \CHAW-bay-kun\ (noun)
: bumpkin, hick

Example sentence:
"Ack's such a chawbacon," said Jonny Lo Lo, "you'll never take the
backwoods out of him, no matter how hard you try."

Did you know?
"Chaw" is an alteration of "chew" that is still used in
some English dialects, especially in rural areas. According to
some sources, bacon was a staple of rural folks' diets in the
past. Since the 16th century, "chaw" has been combined with
"bacon" to create a ludicrous name for an uncultured yokel.
Over the centuries, the word has lent its delicious dialect
flavor to a wide range of publications, but it has become less
common in recent decades. Today, city dwellers are as likely as
country folk to chow down on bacon, and the word "chawbacon"
isn't often on the lips of either group.


  posted by Swensil @ 9:03 AM

 
I experienced my first Chinese family dinner the other night. Wow. Lets put it this way, there were 9 people at dinner and there were 4 conversations going all at the same time.
Just to remind you, I haven’t picked up Chinese in the past week since I've been here. Not only were a plethora of conversations taking place at the same time, but also the volume of their voices seemed to increase incrementally as the night went on. All in all the evening proved to be very interesting and entertaining!


  posted by Swensil @ 8:37 AM

 
Spent the night with Thomas and Marie at the Pike Place Brew Pub and then at the park down by Elliot Bay for the fireworks. I kept my eyes peeled for suspicious activities but didnt see anything. Space Needle is still standing so I guess we're all clear here.

Ok so I just heard multiple gun shots outside my window..............just got back from the patio. No dead bodies I guess it was just a Roman Candle or a pack of bottle rockets. For some reason a large group of drug addicts and pushers seem to enjoy hanging..........Wow there's another one..........out near my apartment. Its weird because the majority of the downtown area is very nice and cleaned up. There are a few places that attract homeless people right next to my place for some reason.

Anyway need to run....frains are bried.

  posted by Swensil @ 11:51 PM

 
Finally after experiencing the thrilling Corn Palace of Mitchell, SD and a random car accident, E and I made it to Seattle. By the way, if you want you can test nuclear weapons in eastern Washington. Nothing there! As far as I’m concerned bomb the hell out of it – BORING!!! I’d much rather live in South Dakota.

So we finally move into the condo on 2nd Ave in downtown Seattle. The condo I live in is located right next to the world famous Pike Place Market! So unless you’ve been living in Lodi for your entire life and have not heard of this place, let me tell you about it. The Pike Place Market is a very old market which is famous for its fish, fruit and vegetable stands. The fish stand is especially famous for throwing fish each and every time a sale is made. This market was also featured on the Real World Seattle. Anyway, I live right across the street from that place which is very beneficial to a nephrology patient.

The condo itself is about the same size as my apartment on Wisconsin Ave minus my old bedroom and bathroom. In addition, I have a 20’ x 7’ patio that over looks the Space Needle – well if you hang your head over the railing you can definitely see the ORANGE Space Needle. Not really sure why the thing is orange but it sure is right now!

So after we hauled all of our boxes up, it was time to SHOP!!! Well of course it was and where do you think we went? Did I hear someone say Swedish Meatballs? Yep that’s right. We went to IKEA for approximately 5 hours to pick out a sofa, desk, coffee table and dining room table and chairs! If you’ve ever been to IKEA you know you’re in for a treat when you get to push those big ass carts around a warehouse the size of Deleware looking for a specific aisle with a specific rack. The names of the items are pretty crazy too. We bought a desk called Jerker, a table called Jissi and a sofa called Rikker or something like that. Its just very weird but don’t worry, if you get hungry from pushing enormous metal carts around all day you can make a pit stop and order some caviar or meatballs! Nothing wrong with that!

Oh before I forget, I need to thank my good friend BVR for the generous gift I received before my departure. Before I left, I met up with Jonny Lo, Whitey (soon to be daddy – congrats W and Steph), CKNOW and BVR at BW3 on State. Well, BVR decided I really could use some old time hockey memorabilia so he purchased or stole a 5-inch Hansen Brother figurine from the best hockey movie in the world, Slap Shot! Once I get my DSL installed, I plan on displaying him so that everyone can see him!

Top Ten Things I Have Seen Or Done While Either In Or Moving To Seattle:
10) Corn Palace in Mitchell, SD – bball court inside obviously!
9) Mike Miller’s High School Basketball Uni in the Corn Palace in Mitchell, SD. Wanted to steal it for Jonny but decided not to.
8) An Indian man who owned the Motel 6 that I stayed at in Mitchell, SD
7) Cookie Clark and Frogger
6) Vin Baker – No just kidding but did see a very tall black man by my apartment
5) Ate chicken feet in Chinatown but didn’t know that until afterwards when E and her brother were laughing out loud at my ass
4) Red Pick up truck doing 423 flips in mid air
3) Insane woman at Pike Place Market screaming, “Bring Me The Police!” as she was being hauled off by three Seattle Police Officers
2) Ichiro – No just kidding but I did see a Japanese man at the market
1) Swensil Wear Inc. Matching Visor and License Plate Frame in Chinatown! By the way: www.jeffsweeney.com/swensil_store.html

More to come


  posted by Swensil @ 1:04 AM

 
So I finally made it to Seattle! While traveling from Bozeman, MT I found myself talking to the police. About 23 miles west of Spokane I see this red Toyota pick-up truck pass me. I didn’t think anything of it until I started seeing large particles of brush and dirt flying all over.

I looked up and saw this red truck swerve into the left lane, down the left embankment, then back up onto the road. Because of the steep incline of the embankment, the truck performs a Dukes of Hazard maneuver, flies through the air lands in the right lane, smashes the and then continues on to flip approximately 34 times in mid-air right in front of my car. I pull over and see microwaves, tools, CDs and spare tires scattered everywhere. I looked into the car and saw that there was a kid behind the wheel.

He had blood all over his face and body but seemed to have been wearing his seatbelt. I got out and helped get the kid out of the truck and on to the ground where E would eventually examine his head, neck and chest. He looked like he was fine other than the 5-inch gash on the top of his melon, which E was treating. Eventually the cops showed up and we were allowed to leave. Kind of scary considering it happened all so quickly! I guess we did our deed for the day!

  posted by Swensil @ 11:59 PM

 
So I'm probably at a small internet cafe in Bozeman, MT. Just spent the past 10 hours driving from one of the coolest places I've ever seen in my life - Mitchell, South Dakota. Well maybe not the coolest but definitely one of the strangest. So did you know that the famous Mike Miller of the Orlando Magic is from Mitchell? I never would have known that had I not visited the coolest building in the world - Obviously the Corn Palace of Mitchell, SD!!! Did you know that the local high school and college actually play games INSIDE the Corn Palace? There is an real-life basketball court / gym inside this damn thing!! I couldnt believe it! They have a large ass shrine dedicated to Miller in the entry way! I took a picture of just to prove that I was actually there!

So, from Mitchell, E and I drove 10 hours to Bozeman, MT home of Montana State University. While looking for a place to eat, I stumbled upon this internet cafe. The city is actually very nice. It reminds me of Whitewater, but much nicer.

Things I did today:
1.) Tanned the hell out of the left side of my arm and thigh and half of my chest. Oh yeah, stripped the wife-beater somewhere around Rapid City, SD.

2.) Started The Marching Season by Daniel Silva. Audio books make the trip go much faster. I highly suggest it!

3.) Got Lo Lo's walkie talkies to finally work!! Those damn Marb Miles sure dont produce quality product Jonny!! Sure hope you see them again!!

My 'cino is gone now so I better get back to E and our Motel 6. Only 678 miles to Seattle!

Oh yeah also got good news from IT Convergence today. They want to talk to me more about Oracle work!!





  posted by Swensil @ 8:27 PM

 

oenophile \EE-nuh-file\ (noun)
: a lover or connoisseur of wine

Example sentence:
The new wine shop is an oenophile's delight, with a
wonderful selection of vineyards and vintages and a helpful,
knowledgeable staff.

Did you know?
"It has become quite a common proverb that in wine there
is truth," wrote the 1st-century A.D. Roman scholar, Pliny the
Elder. The truth about the word "wine" is that it goes back to
Latin "vinum," but it is also a distant relative of the Greek
word for wine, which is "oinos." It was the Greek word that
modern English speakers chose to combine with "-phile" (Greek
for "lover of") around 1930 to create "oenophile."
Etymologically-inclined oenophiles are sure to know that
"oenology" (the science of wine making) and "oenologist" (one
versed in oenology) also trace back to the Greek root. And they
may even know that "wine therapy" (use of wine for therapeutic
purposes) is also known as "oenotherapy."


  posted by Swensil @ 4:15 AM

 
Spent the day with EMMANKAY yesterday for fathers day down by they lake. It was a nice little get together before my journey to Seattle.

On Friday I threw a little going away party for E and I. We ended up throwing a nice little rager with celebs like Jonny Lo Lo, KB and A Loye making appearances.

To make the party a little different, I purchased Acrylic paints and let my guests paint a little farewell greeting on one of my old canvasses. At the end of the night, I noticed a 6 inch circle in diameter with a line through it. In the middle of the circle were the words “No Fighting”. Who the heck does Jonny think he is? Here is a kid who basically is the king of instigating fights. Where does he get off preaching? I seem to distinctively remember Jonny telling stories about throwing small nerdy freshman kids, through plate glass windows Charles-style at downtown Milwaukee bars!

Give me a break!

Anyway they all spent the night. I put them in the spare bedroom where Botar, Weber and Tatar all spent the night with their ladies. I didn’t change the sheets but I’m sure that didn’t matter.





  posted by Swensil @ 5:24 AM

 
Went to the grocery store the other day to pick up food for the going away party that I was throwing for E. While at the deli counter - the man that was helping me did something I thought was a bit weird and gross. As he scooped the potato salad into the container, a small glob became dislodged from the spoon and fell on to the metal scale tray. Without hesitation, he runs his finger across the scale tray, scoops up the potato salad and then eats it! I could not believe it! I almost vomited right then and there!





  posted by Swensil @ 6:55 AM

 
write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on.

-- Beryl Pfizer


  posted by Swensil @ 6:12 AM

 
Tonight E and I had dinner with Rich and Andy at Coquette Cafe in the 3rd Ward. These two really crack me up - so much fun to hang out with!



  posted by Swensil @ 9:43 PM

 
8:37 am – 5/26/02
Nicolet National Forest

First night camping was interesting due to the fact that my High Quality Coleman Inflatable Mattress did not hold. I will say that the SweetiePie Sleeping bags thingy that E purchased was well worth its weight in gold! A SweetiPie is a special sleeping bag insert that you add to your existing sleeping bag to double the size. It just zips in and BAMMM there you have a spacious queen sized sleeping bag! Yeah……..lots of room for……..sleeping!



7:30am 5-27-02
Nicolet National Forest

It is far too beautiful for me to sleep. The sun is out and the only things I can hear are birds singing. The sun is shining gently through our little forest next to our camp site and causes a incredible view. It looks like something from a movie.

The coffee and fire is already started. E is still sleeping and I have some time to myself to write.

We started yesterday by making breakfast – scrambled eggs, wiggies (peppers, onions, sausage, cheese all wrapped in foil) and then headed into Eagle River to explore and find some firewood. When we arrived in town, we stopped in at a small fishing pro shop on the corner of Hwy 70 and 45 - I believe. We walked into the store and were greeted by the largest live fish I have ever seen in my life. At the front portion of the store, I saw a gigantic concrete freshwater aquarium with 4‘ X 4’ windows raised up on a platform decorated with waterfalls, stuffed squirrels and fish. In the aquarium I saw at least 4 of the largest fresh water fish I have ever seen in my life including a Northern Pike measuring at least 4’ in length.

********************Side Note ******************************************* Fine - a Blue Jay or Bird of some sort almost just thrashed my face off! Nothing like camping in the Great Outdoors – Now I think rabid squirrels are trying to attack me too! Fine – now another squirrel is trying to mow me. This baby squirrel is sitting starring at me right now as we speak. I wish I had my blow dart gun – just kidding! It reminds me of that disgusting squirrel Jonny Lo Lo tried to train in Milwaukee.
************************************************************************

After spending 10 minutes marveling at the fish we proceeded with our plans to purchase lead anchors, bait and bobbers. During this time we noticed a group of highly excitable kids huddling together. The kids had purchased a small cup of minnows or fat heads or whatever and were getting ready to feed the BIG fish in the tank. One little champer tossed a minnow into the tank and almost immediately a Large Mouth Bass swallowed him whole in a blink of an eye. I have never seen anything like this so close before. Anyway, I thought it was fun and wanted to buy a dozen just to feed the monsters but E was eager to get on to the real lakes and hicks!

We then took quick detour through downtown Eagle River. Wow what a scene! I felt as though I was in a small town back in the 1800’s. It seemed very nice and I was amazed to see that a large number of the stores boasted domain names for their businesses. I guess I never realized that that this part of the state was such a huge tourist and fishing attraction.

********************Side Note *******************************************
Another rabid squirrel attack! I want to catch one and train it to retrieve the newspaper but the damn things are far to fast for this white kid from ‘Sconi! Wow – now the rabid squirrels seem to be in heat! Yeah two squirrels just cruised right over my feet. Where’s my blow dart gun?

Top Ten Things I Saw On My Trip To Eagle River, WI – Nicolet National Forest

1.) Bourbon Noses
2.) Red Flannel Shirts Untucked
3.) Matt Kenseth Paraphernalia
4.) 4 Wheel Drive Trucks
5.) Green Bay Packer Zubas
6.) Empty Busch Light Cans
7.) Rabid Squirrels
8.) NASCAR Hats on men and women
9.) People Waving to Complete and Total Strangers – I believe it is a law in this county
10.)

************************************************************************

We then headed out to go fishing. The first place we tried had a quaint little damn with a boat hoist. There we found locals regularly pulling 4’ Pike and Muskie out of the water! Well at least I saw one guy do it.

********************Side Note *******************************************
Just went to the car to get some squirrel bait – Robert’s American Gourmet Veggie Booty. Have you ever tasted this stuff? Seriously? For those of you who haven’t had the honor of tasting this delicious American treat let me tell you a little about it. Veggie Bootie consists of puffed corn and rice seasoned with, that’s right, you guessed it, spinach and kale! What the hell is Kale? The only Kale I know is the Smelzer kind. Anyway, the stuff should only be used as bait for squirrels and so I’ve set up my own little trap in an attempt to rassel me up some rabid squirrel for breakfast! We only purchased this stuff because it contains virtually no sodium. I wanted to get the Pringles because, They’re sooooo goood! But nope we ended up with the renal-safe Veggie Booty! I’ll let you know how it works but I just noticed that my battery is at 17% so I only have a few minutes left!
***********************************************************************











  posted by Swensil @ 8:56 PM

 
Got thrashed in the nose the other night at my hockey game. Lots of blood but no stitches required according to Dr. Evil! I took a pic and will load it once I get them developed!

Tomorrow E and I are going to Northern WI to camp at Nicolet National Forest for the weekend.

4 more weeks until Seattle!


  posted by Swensil @ 1:30 PM

 
E is back from Hawaii now! Makes me happy! Damn the girl is TAN! I almost didnt recognize her. Had an amazing time last night - dinner, wine and my girlfriend!



  posted by Swensil @ 3:58 PM

 
Definition of my sister Fruchi:

Panglossian \pan-GLOSS-ee-un\ (adjective)
: marked by the view that all is for the best in this best
of possible worlds : excessively optimistic

Example sentence:
Sarah is a cheerful young woman with a Panglossian habit
of looking at the world through rose-colored glasses.

Did you know?
Dr. Pangloss was the pedantic old tutor in Voltaire's
satirical novel _Candide_. Pangloss was an incurable, albeit
misguided, optimist who claimed that "all is for the best in
this best of all possible worlds." So persistent was he in his
optimism that he kept it even after witnessing and experiencing
great cruelty and suffering. The name "Pangloss" comes from the
Greek "pan," meaning "all," and "glossa," meaning "tongue,"
suggesting glibness and talkativeness.



  posted by Swensil @ 4:11 AM

 
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
-- Lily Tomlin


  posted by Swensil @ 6:42 PM

 
Just got back from MKE for Fru's graduation. Not to bad considering there were over 600 people. Champie and I ended up heading over to a bar next door and threw back a few of Milwaukee's finest. Fortunately the ceremony was being televised so we didn’t have to move from the bar!

  posted by Swensil @ 5:36 PM

 
My sister Fruchi graduates tomorrow from The University of Wisconsin – Milwaukee as an Occupational Therapist! Its about time, it only took her 8 years. She's slower than the average girl her age - but that’s ok because she has some other redeeming qualities. For example, she knows how bring me beer and food from the refrigerator.

Even though Fruchi, is adopted, blind, stutters, and has only one arm and one leg, I think I'll still go to the graduation ceremony. I know I’ll probably fall asleep and wish I was sleeping back home but I guess it’s the least I can do. Maybe I’ll bring a flask of Jack Daniels in case I get bored or thirsty. That just might make the day go by faster!






  posted by Swensil @ 10:55 PM

 
Went to Madison to do some 'puter fixin for Sweeney World.

Met up with Jonny Lo Lo for a little lunch mow....Jonny knows all the best lunch deals in town so we ended up at BW3's for 50 cent chix legs........"God these are sooo GOOOD" - my impression of MLL.

When I asked Jonny what he had accomplished today, he stated, "Surfed some Anna Kournikova porn, what else?" This made me happy and laugh, but what really made me smile was when we were leaving the restaurant. As you all know Jonny, he has the innate ability to seek out and find lone change on streets, bars, tables......pretty much anywhere and everywhere. Well, when we were walking out, Jonny's hawk-like vision spied a shiny penny sitting on the ledge near the exit. In what looked like a small tornado, before I knew it, Jonny had scooped up the penny in less than .007 seconds. "Yeah somebody just lost a penny!" he yelled out. I just laughed hard! As I followed Lo Lo out the door, I noticed a small copper item sitting on the same ledge.....I looked over and what do you know, it was a second penny! Jonny had missed it! I snatched the new penny and slid it into my pocket.

Jonny looks like you're gettin slow in your old age!! GEEEAAAT!

If anyone has jonny related material, quotes, stories, etc....please send them my way! I'm collecting them all and putting together a large ass collection which will be prominently displayed on jeffsweeney.com asap!

Thanks!

  posted by Swensil @ 4:28 AM

 
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.
-- Johnny Carson

  posted by Swensil @ 4:58 AM

 
Spent the weekend in the hometown of Ed Gein - Plainfield, WI.

http://www.crimelibrary.com/gein/geinbegin.htm

After that I helped my grandfather put in his pier and then reminisced about the .5 ton Bourbon-nosed woman we saw the last time were in town at the local bowling alley. E was amazed and excited when I taught her what a Bourbon nose was. She immediately wanted to find a scientific explanation for this phenomenom!

Later on we drank frosty cerveza in front of the camp fire.




  posted by Swensil @ 7:43 AM

 
I've been spending my time look for employment in the greater Seattle area.....ahhh not the best time to be looking for jobby jobs but what can you do? I've had multiple interviews here in MKE but I think I may thrash my face into the concrete wall outside my apartment if I dont get out of this town soon! Well actually life is actually going pretty well since I was axed. I'm actually adjusting quite nicely. Nothing wrong with spending my days at the Alterrra sipping down steamin' java.

As you can see I havent written in a while - here are the highlight for the past few weeks:

1.) Crew Game with Rikker, Jonny Lo Lo and CKNO

a. Don’t ask me who we played, the game was a bit blurry.

b. Well lets just say that Jonny spent the majority of our tailgaiting time, (3 hours or so) driving the remote control Oscar Meyer Wiener Mobile around Miller Park's parking lot. His sole purpose was to knock over unsuspecting tailgater’s beers. He succeeded NUMEROUS time might I add!

c. Then, Jonny decides that it would be fun to stuff two fake Brewer Tickets in the top of the Wiener Mobile and drive it close as humanly possible near passersby. Many a time, the tickets blew out of the Weiner Mobile and of course they scattered in the wind. As you can probably guess the nice people of WI would see this and run and try to save the tickets. When they eventually caught up with the tickets they learned it was all a prank. Jonny laughed in their faces.

2.) At The Game with Rikker, Jonny Lo Lo and CKNO

a. As I stated before, the game was a bit blurry. Honestly cannot remember whom we played but I do know that we won.
b. Things I remember though:
i. Rik fighting / arguing with a 78 year old voluntary security guard in order to access the upper deck in right field. In the end he just said “EFF You”, pushed him to the side and went to the upper decks anyway. As usual, I was forced to deal with the Police at this point. I played dumb and pretended that the old may was senile. It worked in the end and we all ended up making to the upper deck eventually. All we had to do was go to a different enterance.


The future will be better tomorrow.
-- Dan Quayle




  posted by Swensil @ 8:31 PM

 
Nothing special to report today.......spent time with E because she had the day off. Set up my business checking acct and talked with the attorney. Things are moving!

  posted by Swensil @ 9:26 PM

 
Just started setting up Swensil Wear Inc. Its a pretty cool thing. Now I can sell my merchandise to the world and make my millions! Never know.

Today Gay Focker and Lo Lo the will be coming to MKE for the Crew. I'm pumped up! Tailgating baby.....Jonny Turkey Aprons are now available on Swensil Wear Inc!!!!

  posted by Swensil @ 5:55 AM

 
80 degrees in 'Sconi in April? Can this be true? Spent the day at the lake working on the site. Getting close to finishing up the bare minimum...now need to start setting up the LLC!
Just received an image of the mystery lady from R. Nothing but drama....highly entertaining for E and I.

  posted by Swensil @ 8:54 PM

 
Woke up early, went and had coffee at Alterra and continued working on my paper...left around 12 and headed for home. While at home, received word that my new Dell LT arrived!


  posted by Swensil @ 10:41 PM

 
Spent the day finishing up my Oracle resume and met with Dennis my fellow kidney transplant friend for lunch.
Now I'm in the process of setting up my LLC for WA and WI.

  posted by Swensil @ 7:24 PM

 
Eva and I met Championship and Fruchi out for dinner at Sauce. The meal was amazing but the staff was very annoying. Tried forcing dessert down our throats. Wanted to thrash his eyes out at the end of the night

  posted by Swensil @ 8:12 AM

 
The Beginning....just started my journal - if you havent noticed.

  posted by Swensil @ 6:55 AM